How To Find Love and Happiness Again After 40 or Divorced

So you think you’re ready to get back into the dating scene. Maybe you’ve just recently divorced from somebody, separated, or ended a long-term relationship and you feel like you’re ready to get back into the game, but you’re not exactly sure how to go about it.

In this post, I’m going to share with you three amazing tips that you can use to help you get back into the dating scene. These tips will help you find out exactly what you want, what you don’t want in a relationship, and also to keep your independence.

If you think that you’re ready to get back into the dating scene, you need to ask yourself a couple of really good questions and be sure you want this. Don’t feel pressured by outside sources just to appease them. If you are happy being single and taking your time for however long, that is completely up to you, and you are entitled to doing that.

A lot of people think that once they relive a relationship and how hard it hurts, and they just want that pain to go away that the best way to do it is to just get back on that horse and get out there and find your Mr. or Mrs. Right. But a lot of times what happens is that we haven’t healed those emotions from the old relationship. So that when we go forth into new relationships, what’s happening is that we’re taking our baggage from the last relationship.

Tip #1: Drop the baggage from the past relationship

So the first thing that you need to do before you even decide that you want to go into a new relationship is to make sure that all of those issues that you’ve had from the past relationship, the old one, that they are dealt with, they’re put away, they’re not going to be revisited and carried forth into the new relationship. That’s important for the new relationship to flourish, grow, and succeed.

Now that you’ve decided that yes, you do want to go back into a relationship, you need to decide what type of relationship it is that you want. Do you want somebody with who you can just spend a little bit of time, have a little fun, and then be done with it? Or are you looking for the long term next Mr. or Mrs. Right?

Finding what type of relationship that you want will give you a little bit of clarity as to what it is that you’re looking for.

Tip #2: Decide the qualities you want in a partner

The next thing that you should do is find out exactly what it is that you’re looking for in that person. A lot of people, and I’ve read this time and time again that they have this long laundry list of the exact type of person that they want. So it might be a male, he needs to be six foot tall, he has to have a six-pack, he has to have a six-figure income, and he has to have a boat.

When you look at those types of lists that people make, it’s obvious that they want a lifestyle, they’re wanting a persona of a person. There is nothing on those characteristics that they have listed about the emotional side of a person.

So ask yourself the question, do we have an actual connection besides a physical connection? So determining what it is that you want out of a partner concerning your emotional side will help you narrow down that pool of eligible people.

Tip #3: Define your non-negotiables

The next thing that you should do is define your non-negotiables. Having been in a past relationship, I’m pretty sure you would know every single thing it was that you did not like about the relationship and what you could no longer tolerate. What are the things that you are not willing to sacrifice anymore?

Maybe you had a past relationship where the person was away half the time because they worked away. Maybe now you want somebody closer to you. What is it that you’re not willing to compromise in a new relationship? Define what that is for you and stick to the goals.

Another important thing is, maybe you have found somebody who you like but they have this big thing on your non-negotiable list, but they’re perfect in every other sense. And you think that if you went into this relationship that you could change them or fix them.

The truth is that you can’t fix the person who doesn’t want to be fixed. So be very clear on what your non-negotiables are, and do not stray from those non-negotiables. In the end, what will happen is that those non-negotiables will start to become issues and you’ll be going down the same path that you just went down. Nobody wants to go down that path again. So that would be the biggest takeaway if you want to go and date.

Decide what type of dating you want to do. Do you want somebody that you can just have some fun with and hang out with and then see you later? Are you looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right? What things are you looking for? What type of person do you want? Not just physically but more emotionally? What type of support are you looking for in a relationship?

I’d like to leave you with this, don’t try to fix somebody who doesn’t want to be fixed. That’s a really big important one.

Comment below whether or not you’ve been in a similar situation. Maybe it’s something that you’re going through right now. Or if you found this post helpful, or you have any other questions, let me know in the comments below.