When building a serious relationship, there are two things that you’re looking for: Chemistry and Compatibility.
If you desire a fantastic relationship, you want to have both of them. Often, it’s really easy to get seduced into thinking, does he like you, and looking for the signs of whether or not he’s into you, he likes you, or he’s falling in love with you.
If he is, then just go with it and run with that relationship, but that comes at a cost because if you’re not careful and you choose a guy who isn’t compatible, or worse yet, doesn’t have what it takes to be in and develop a healthy long term relationship, then it only leads to pain down the road.
So how do you know if the guy that you’re interested in and who’s interested in you is mature and healthy enough for a long-term relationship?
Well, today, I’m going to share with you 7 signs that your man is ready for a healthy, serious relationship.
These signs come out of a great book that I was reading recently called how we love by Milan and Kay Yerkovich. They unpack what a healthy relationship and a healthy attachment style are versus unhealthy relationship patterns.
Every one of us, as we’re growing up, we learn from our moms and our dads how to have our relationship patterns.
Sign #1 is that he is secure with both connection and independence
In any relationship, there are going to be times when you’re connected and you’re doing things together, such as cooking together, going on dates together, you might be even working in a job together or working on a project together. But you want the person that you’re seeing to be equally as secure when they’re together with you as to when they’re independent, doing their own thing.
You want them to support you in doing your own thing. Having your passions, having your hobbies, having your friends, and spending time with those friends.
For most successful women who are doing very well in their business, one of their great concerns is being with a man who’s going to smother them or who’s not going to respect their independence. Their concern is losing their independence and losing this great life that they have created for themselves. That’s a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
If he is smothering and not willing to let you have the things that you would love for your life, the independence that you would love, he’s not ready for a long-term relationship.
You want a man who will both be secure with connection and independence.
Sign #2 is he knows how to give and receive
A lot of us tend to be good at one or the other. We’re either good at giving in a relationship and not so good at receiving. Then we will pour ourselves into this relationship by giving in excess, and then not be willing to receive or we’re good at receiving but not good at giving and contributing back into the relationship.
Well, both are actually toxic because the person who is a taker is not contributing to the relationship, but the person who is a giver, and an over-giver, that person will become burned out and then resentful of the relationship later on.
You want a man who is both good at giving and receiving as you want to do the same in a relationship.
Sign #3 is he accept the good with the bad
Every one of us has both good and bad days. We have successes and there are moments when we have failures.
The healthy person in the relationship realizes this, and they don’t connect their self-worth or their value to things going perfectly or them being perfect, and feeling like if they have a setback, or they have a bad day, or they have a failure, that their value diminishes. That they are connecting their value to the effort that they’re making to who they are rather than what they’re producing in life.
That healthy person affords you that same compassion, understanding, and patience. They don’t hold you to a standard of having everything go right all the time. They’re willing to have compassion and patience. They extend it to both themselves and you. That kind of person is going to make the relationship a much smoother ride.
Sign #4 is he knows how to wait and delay gratification
Every relationship is made up of two people. Your partner has their needs just as we have our needs. So the person who can wait and delay gratification understands that the universe doesn’t revolve around them. They’re willing to get their needs met but they’re also willing to do it in a way that allows their partner to get their needs met as well.
This often comes up at the early stage of a relationship about sex. Not regularly, but most times the man wants to make love even before the woman is ready. So the mature man is going to wait until you are 100% ready. He wants you to feel comfortable before you both engage in being intimate with each other.
The man who is not mature, the man who is not ready for a great relationship, a healthy relationship is the man who’s going to pressure you, is the man who’s going to try to make you feel guilty because you’re not giving it up.
Make no mistake, that kind of behavior out of that man isn’t just isolated to that moment of the sexual encounter. That will infiltrate his way into other aspects of the relationship and becomes cancer to the relationship that his needs are always going to be more important than yours.
So you want to make sure that you’re with a man who is willing to wait and delay gratification until both of you are ready. That is a man who is not only willing to take care of his needs but take care of your needs at the same time.
Sign #5 is he knows how to say No
Healthy persons in healthy relationships understand the important boundary setting and they know how to do it. Not just in the relationship, but in life, because the two of you are in a partnership together.
What you say yes to other people affects the relationship commitments that you’re making. Whether you want to lean into that commitment to a family member or a friend or a boss, is going to impact the relationship.
For example, you say yes to a boss on a project you don’t want to help out with or you can’t or don’t have time to help out with and now you’re working late nights and taking time away from the relationship.
Maybe you say yes to and overextend yourself in a family relationship and now you can’t honor the one-on-one time with your significant other and you’re off doing family stuff.
A healthy person knows how to set boundaries, when given an unreasonable request or when faced with a demanding person, they know how to say no.
Is the unhealthy person that says yes, and then complains to other people about it as if they’re a victim and never actually goes to the person with whom they have a problem. That is an unhealthy pattern.
You want a man who knows how to set boundaries, take care of himself with healthy boundaries, and by that take care of the relationship with you with those same healthy boundaries.
These last two are probably the most important.
Sign# 6 is he knows how to work through conflict
You are certain about a few things in a great relationship. One is joyful moments and the other is moments of conflict. In any kind of relationship, it’s going to happen. You know it and you’ve experienced this.
The degree to which your man can work through conflict is a skill and a quality that will last the test of time and help contribute to the deep quality of that relationship.
An unhealthy individual shuns conflict, they don’t want to talk about it, and hide it. They either pretend like nothing is wrong and then when it builds up, they explode about that same conflict. They’re unreasonable and hard to find a solution to that conflict.
You want someone who can “shovel while the piles are small.” If something bothers one of you, you’re willing to talk about it right when it happens, find a solution, and move on.
That’s how you keep the energy and that relationship clean and clear. The relationship becomes lighter and turns out to be more fun and enjoyable for years to come.
Sign #7 is he’s willing to say sorry when he’s made a mistake
The unhealthy man gets defensive, but the healthy man is willing to own when he’s made a mistake and apologize for any errors that he’s done in the relationship.
It’s the insecure man who feels like saying he’s sorry or making an apology demeans his status in the relationship. It demeans or lessens his value in the relationship, which isn’t true at all.
It’s the healthy person who knows that when he’s made a mistake, he’s willing to say sorry and make it right. You want a man who’s willing to do that. So this should be a big red flag if the guy that you’re seeing won’t say sorry even when he’s wrong and knows it.
The guy who says he’s sorry is the guy who’s mature and secure enough to create an amazing, long-lasting relationship with you.
My question to you is of these 7 signs discussed, are there any other signs that you are looking for when you’re looking for a man who’s going to be in a long term relationship with you? What do you value most? Go ahead and put that in the comment section below.
I hope this serves and gives you a crystal clear blueprint that when you’re dating the guy you’re looking for these signs. If he’s got all these seven signs, a massive thumbs up to a great partnership and a beautiful relationship with you.